Looking on the bright side.

Things are certainly changing for all of us. The AP is becoming dottier by the day and seems to be retreating into her own little world. We have had her getting ready to go to appointments on days when there are none, mixing up times and places and then making up stories to fill the gaps in her memory. Lately she has started to eat her food with her fingers and holds her head in one hand as if it is too much effort to lift it up all of which infuriates the LSO but she only does it with us. If we have visitors or are out for a meal she uses her knife and fork.

Yesterday she announced that Serena Williams was Venus Williams mother and further more it must be true because they showed pictures on the TV to prove it. We explained they were sisters and far too young to have grown up children but what do we know! I guess all of this is normal in someone of such a great age in fact we are lucky it isn’t worse. Although it is quite difficult to be wholly positive when trapped in this alternative reality both the LSO and myself fight not to become too down or despondent as time slides by at a snail’s pace.

It isn’t all doom and gloom though, the plants in the greenhouses are flourishing and I am making cucumber relish for the first time. Years ago we used to buy a Dutch version of this relish then it just vanished never to be found again so I am hoping that this homemade version will be a good replacement. The warm and sunny weather has encouraged good growth and this year our fig tree is bearing many fruits and those will be a joy to eat. At this point the LSO points out that the lawns and hedges are also growing at speed, but I guess, looking on the bright side, we do have some good things to look forward to.

Living for the moment.

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A friend asked me how I was today and I replied that I was fine but that isn’t quite the truth. I am OK but only just, I am hanging on by a thread emotionally and desperately in need of some down time. It is approaching but I find myself trying not to wish the time away or dwelling too much on past happenings because I know nothing can change any of these events and in particular those of the last twelve months.

It has been a difficult and at times heartbreaking year but it is important to keep things firmly in perspective. I am not someone given to weeping and wailing publicly but that doesn’t mean I am cold hearted or don’t care but I have found that the emotional battering of the last months has caused me to put up barriers and lock away my feelings in order to mentally survive.  We are all different in our reactions to situations and how we deal with emotional stress.

One thing I do know and what this year has taught me and made me understand is that we all must live for the moment, put the past back where it belongs, firmly in the past, look to the future with a sense of expectancy and pleasure as much as is possible. To also really appreciate in every sense of the word, what we have now, at this very moment because we have no idea what the future holds.

The LSO and I have our month of freedom approaching and we need to enjoy every moment of our time together doing what we want, when we want and that, in itself, will be a novel experience. The AP will have a ball in Scotland with my cousin and his wife and will be coming back for her birthday party. But in that interim time we must all be positive and enjoy what we have.

Nine days to go.

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