Struggling with hindsight.

How often have you heard people say ‘ it’s all very well but that’s an understanding with hindsight’? In fact how often have I said it myself.

I had called in to see a friend who has had a knee operation and during our conversation she asked after the AP, was she happy in the care home and how was the LSO and indeed myself finding things?

Now there’s a question, as for the AP, well she’s happy to a point but its hard to really understand what she thinks. She has retreated even further into her own little world which crosses the boundaries between mostly dreams and past recollections with a little reality thrown in occasionally but only if it concerns herself. For example needing tissues, make up or toothpaste. I am sometimes her mother and sometimes her sister but seldom me but she hasn’t got dementia, she is just old and a little senile.

As for myself and the LSO we are happier now having our freedom, privacy and our home back after a long five and a half years but the damage her vitriolic presence did to us, both emotionally and physically is immense. During the last five months I have come to realise why we were never going to come out of this well. No-one can understand what it was like because to everyone she met she always said how wonderful we both were to the point of boredom so no-one would be able to equate her gushing niceness with the domineering, vindictive and controlling old woman we witnessed on a daily basis. All they ever saw was this rather dotty but sweet old lady and if we expressed our discontent we must have been exaggerating. Nothing could be further from the truth, in fact the true depths of her nastiness could not be adequately described. Occasionally as time passed one or two visitors had a glimpse of how nasty she could be and began to understand a little of what we lived with but unless you experienced the situation over the long term, it’s impossible to imagine.

We still have to visit her in the home at least once a week and even that can be a tortuous experience but now, at least, we can get up and leave thank goodness.

It has made dieting difficult to settle down to but finally I seem to be getting my head around the Keto way of living. I seriously stuck to it last week and was delighted to register a pound and a half off which was better than it being put on. This spurred me on to start experimenting with things like cheese crisps because I do need a little snack every now and then. The first batch of Parmesan crisps were lovely and crunchy but the flavour was too strong for me. I then tried a mix of cheeses which tasted about right but are a bit rubbery, perfectly edible but not crisp. So it’s back to the drawing board.

As a result of this eating regime and the reduction in alcohol consumption I am sleeping better and have a remarkably clear mind but unfortunately I have a health check up next week with the Practice Nurse and I am hoping that my excess weight has not resulted in a return to Type 2 Diabetes.

Even more reason to stick to the diet.

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