A friend asked me how I was today and I replied that I was fine but that isn’t quite the truth. I am OK but only just, I am hanging on by a thread emotionally and desperately in need of some down time. It is approaching but I find myself trying not to wish the time away or dwelling too much on past happenings because I know nothing can change any of these events and in particular those of the last twelve months.
It has been a difficult and at times heartbreaking year but it is important to keep things firmly in perspective. I am not someone given to weeping and wailing publicly but that doesn’t mean I am cold hearted or don’t care but I have found that the emotional battering of the last months has caused me to put up barriers and lock away my feelings in order to mentally survive. We are all different in our reactions to situations and how we deal with emotional stress.
One thing I do know and what this year has taught me and made me understand is that we all must live for the moment, put the past back where it belongs, firmly in the past, look to the future with a sense of expectancy and pleasure as much as is possible. To also really appreciate in every sense of the word, what we have now, at this very moment because we have no idea what the future holds.
The LSO and I have our month of freedom approaching and we need to enjoy every moment of our time together doing what we want, when we want and that, in itself, will be a novel experience. The AP will have a ball in Scotland with my cousin and his wife and will be coming back for her birthday party. But in that interim time we must all be positive and enjoy what we have.
Nine days to go.