I woke up this rather grey Sunday morning feeling pretty positive about life in general for a change. I got up, washed, dressed and came down to prepare breakfast. Our nephew is staying and for him it was bacon, egg, and fried bread. For the AP it was cereal, fruit, yogurt and a sprinkling of flaxseed. The LSO had already sorted his own breakfast earlier. For me it was grilled tomatoes on toast and they were delicious, straight out of the greenhouse. All in all a good beginning to the day then the AP started a conversation with her grandson and I felt an immediate sense of irritation wash over me as she bluffed her way to stardom making appropriate noises but having really no idea about anything. Why this feeling? It isn’t rational and is making me feel very unhappy. I need to have some empathy for the AP otherwise I am allowing her lack of it to affect my attitude to her.
So how do I turn all this around. I decided to refresh my memory about the Law of Resistance and it definitely rang some bells of recognition. I am becoming a victim, there is a definite sense of ‘poor me’ creeping in to my thoughts which I really must resist. I was reading that there is a Buddhist saying that says if we point a finger at someone there will be three pointing back at us. Interesting thought and it made me stop and think.
Our health is our karma, in which case I am affecting my own health and vitality with these feelings. Time to change, time to not resist the negatives but to embrace the positives. I feel like I am jumping into a void but I must find the person I was before the AP came to live with us. We, the LSO and I, need to discuss how we change things for the better for all of us. Not necessarily huge changes because I do believe that it is the small things that count.
Do we really reap what we sow? I guess so but if we study the Law of Grace everything can be put right but we have to make the necessary effort to do so.
Seventeen days to go to some clear thinking, to freedom, to spontaneity and to having some personal space back even if it is just for a little while.