It’s that time of the year.

I woke up this morning to another day of dealing with the AP and her unpleasant ways and found myself thinking back to better times.  I guess it’s that time of the year when we all realise another year is almost over.

It’s almost five years since my mother came to live with us and I can quite honestly say it has been five years of misery. When I think back to pre-AP days I realise how happy and free we were but I had just taken it all for granted. The LSO and myself are not unhappy with each other and have learnt to accept that we have no personal space and no privacy but it would be so much better if the AP had turned out to be the sweet old lady we naively thought she was before she arrived. 

I had never seen my mother as a control freak, always needing to be in charge. I knew she was bigoted, vain and snobbish but the rest, the need for control, the attempts to divide and rule, the nastiness when she doesn’t have her own way and the childishness, her silly little girly voices and the baby words were all kept hidden from view until she walked through our door.

Was there anything we could have changed about our situation? Probably not, for several years we fought to survive in our own home simply because we didn’t understand or see clearly what she was doing. We now have strategies in place to protect our physical and mental health which suffered as a result of all this. They work to a point but we are always on our guard, waiting for the next nasty dig which is always followed by a short lived period of almost niceness.

At least we are no longer alone in seeing her for what she really is or should I say, become. My cousin and his wife who have her to stay with them two months of the year have seen the veil slip more often in the last couple of visits and they have a better understanding of what we live with twenty-four seven. A couple of close friends have also witnessed her nasty side and are definitely not impressed but they have remained our friends, thank goodness. Also this blog and the support received as a result of it have helped me to keep things in perspective. Thank you all family, friends and strangers for being there, it does make a difference.

Its no good regretting having made this life changing decision, we just have to continue getting on with it; as the LSO says ‘it’s what it is” and when it is finally all over we can live our lives to the full again.

Dealing with the situation.

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Once again some time has elapsed since my last blog but I have not been idle. Since starting ‘Banting’ I have lost eight and a half pounds and that is quite an achievement because the first week is eating normally and I am now one third of the way through the six week period of restoration discovering a whole new way of thinking about food in general.

My blood pressure is slowly reducing and I have yet to check my blood glucose but I feel that must be improving too. One of the biggest plus points is the fact I feel so much better and much more like my normal self; I no longer am oppressed or depressed by the AP and indeed will take no nonsense from her. That doesn’t mean I am cruel or uncaring, just determined not to be bullied in any way.

The last four years have knocked holes in the LSO and myself but now the AP cannot push us around anymore, we have finally got the measure of her and in truth of ourselves too. But it took a rather terrifying situation to make us both realise how serious it had all become and how at the end of all this we need to be fit and well in order to enjoy what time is left to us. We cannot dwell on what has passed but we are now improving what is in the present and hopefully the future too.

Another result of this new found way of life is that my pleasure in cooking has also returned. I had begun to wonder as I sank further and further into illness, depression and despondency if this was going to be how our lives were going to play out, bored, boring and disinterested in just about everything.

Thank goodness for our hugely supportive medical practice and the intelligent and ultimately workable advice and support from our children, in particular our daughter whose in-depth dietary knowledge has been a godsend.

I can in all honesty say this time that there truly is a light at the end of the tunnel.