The shadow is back.

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I haven’t written a blog for some time mainly because life has either been good or at least acceptable but not anymore. The AP is back and with her comes continual stress.

It is astonishing how one little old lady can cast such a long shadow over our lives. Having had almost six gloriously stress-free weeks the AP has been back less than two weeks and I have rapidly rising blood pressure and a sense of utter frustration that we took on this ungrateful, selfish, arrogant and now, ultimately stupid old woman.

It is absolutely horrendous how quickly she has destroyed the equilibrium that existed in our home and in our lives. We try so hard to help, to aid, to put simply, look after this person but it is a thankless task and we are stuck between a rock and a hard place. Nothing we do seems to help or be truly appreciated and I am now back to being on edge and stressed. She seems to resent the fact that we deserve a life and is jealous if we go off on our own. Despite medication my blood pressure is hovering around hypertension stage two and I am fighting to remain calm and have some self control but she seems to delight in making our lives and mine in particular, an utter misery. Who is this woman? Certainly not my mother or the person I thought of as my mother

I really cannot allow this to happen and I must find some ways to counteract her nasty, selfish ways. But how?

Up until now I really have been doing well. Since starting the diet I have lost 26lbs and have gone from being Type 2 Diabetic to non-Diabetic. As the practice nurse put it, I am normal and I must keep on with what I am doing, it’s working! I was utterly thrilled to get the news and now need to get the BP down to a healthy level. Whilst the AP was away it had stabilised around 130/70 but since the return of the shadow, the bat hanging in the rafters, it has risen at an alarming and dangerous rate. The AP has no knowledge of any of this and even if she did I doubt it would dent the ego. She is incapable of accepting any responsibility for her actions and always blames others when things go wrong

It really would be ironic that if anything happened to me the first thing the LSO would do is sell up and put the AP into a Care Home. That is obviously something that hasn’t occurred to the AP.

Stress and yet more stress.

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I did comment in a previous post that I had made an important step in the right direction finding ways to cope with the difficulties that have arisen looking after the AP. But as things have turned out I’m not so sure now.

Earlier this week the LSO and I drove to Birmingham to watch our ten year old grandson compete in the ISA National Athletics and I am delighted to say he won gold in all three of his events. We are immensely proud of him and thoroughly enjoyed not only seeing our daughter but in witnessing his marvellous achievement. It was only marred by the behaviour of the AP the night before who obviously resented us going and had made that perfectly clear from the moment the visit was mooted, not only because she wasn’t going but also because she was being sent elsewhere to be looked after until we returned. She tried her utmost to control every minute of our time away, wanting telephone updates as to where we would be and wanting a definite time when we would be back. We just said no, no point as we could get held up anywhere on the journey. But in her typically unreasonable and dogged way she just kept on despite us asking her to just leave it alone, we had explained the problems and finally it all blew up or rather I did. This was one day, just one solitary day to allow the LSO and myself to have a few hours together, without her cloying presence, to support our daughter and our grandson. It was just so very important and the AP should have been pleased for us to do this, not jealous and difficult.

We did in fact get back about 8pm because we didn’t stop anywhere for dinner but headed straight home. The LSO dropped me off to sort the dogs and went to collect the AP which was a noble gesture because I had no desire to see her and am still utterly disgusted with her self centred and selfish attitude. We got a garbled version of her day and the obsequious comment about our day which was said in a patronising tone ‘it is good that you could share it together.’ Needless to say she was ushered up to her room at speed and the LSO and I sat down to a late, rather meagre supper but accompanied by a much needed fine, chilled white wine.

The last eight months have not been easy and I have at times felt quite unwell having continual headaches, restless sleep, three vertigo attacks and feeling utterly exhausted too. There is no doubt that looking after the AP is hugely stressful because of her intransigent attitude, general rudeness and her continued determination to try and ‘be in charge.’ It has taken a huge toll on my emotional and physical well being. The latest piece of medical news is that I have gone from a steady and healthy 130/70 blood pressure reading to a very worrying 190/90, true hypertension in only a matter of weeks. At least I know now why I have been feeling so under the weather during the last couple of months and it’s a bit of a wake up call which cannot be ignored.

Until the next post then.