It really is hard work looking after the AP. When I am feeling in good form I cope but when I’m a little under the weather as I am at the moment it really is difficult. The least thing irritates me and the more I try to remain calm the worse it gets. Do I mind that she is demanding and forgets to say thank you? Most of the time the answer is no. When I feel tired and emotional I am aware of every little thing but do I really care? I guess I must care in some way otherwise I wouldn’t react the way I do. I don’t particularly like what the AP is as a person, in fact that’s not entirely true, I actively dislike what she has now become. She can be pleasant one minute and nasty the next, she is unbelievably manipulative using a variety of ways to get her own way with others. The AP is self opinionated, self-centred and critical of others. She can be quite often hostile in her attitude and probably always has been but recognising it is one thing, dealing with all this is an entirely different matter. She can be extremely unpleasant towards the LSO especially if she thinks I am not around, only little things but they can be quite hurtful and do nothing to help towards a calm atmosphere.
Anyone who doesn’t know her well think that she is a sweet, dear little old lady and she tells them enormous lies about what she is capable of doing and we are often told how wonderful she is. She can no longer keep that charade up with those who know her better so doesn’t get away with much but that doesn’t necessarily make life easier for us.
At the moment I just feel unwell and tired. Is that because of the diabetes problem? I am not doing brilliantly well on the dieting front and find the grey, wet and cold weather hugely depressing. A sunny day makes all the difference but they have been few and far between in the last month or so and on top of that we seem to be bogged down with appointments all over the place and really just need a break from it all.
Well, April isn’t too far away and then we can hand the AP over to my cousin and his wife for a month. It really cannot come soon enough.