The land of limbo.

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It really is a strange place to be and I feel as if I am living in another reality. Since the AP’s unreasonable and totally unwarranted outburst we have had our son and his partner staying for a couple of nights. It gave us all a welcome break from the rather strange calm that fills the house at the moment.

This is partly while we wait for news of my brother who remains heavily sedated. It is early days and we just have to be patient.

The AP is behaving quite rationally at the moment and we are all making an effort to keep the atmosphere light; so far it seems to be working. Perhaps the moment the AP realised we could be serious about her leaving her comfortable haven here and going to live in a Care Home was the catalyst for calm. I don’t suppose we’ll ever know the real truth. Her outburst last week reflected the fact that she confuses time and events continually and when she can’t work something out the AP makes a story up and then believes it.¬†She can be surprisingly sly as well as quite vindictive one minute and then gushingly sweet the next.

I suppose what we are witnessing is the slow degradation of the brain that comes with such extreme old age. It is sad but that knowledge doesn’t make it any easier to deal with and somehow we need to find a solution that is not too painful for either of us. Because she is well looked after and does little except look after her personal care she thinks she can cope with anything. The truth is the opposite.

Meanwhile we will continue doing what we have been doing for the last four years and wait patiently to see what occurs. I do believe that situations can resolve themselves given time and we just need faith that our guardian angels are looking out for us.

Wavering resolve.

We really do keep trying to not become bitter and twisted but it is an uphill struggle. AP is unreasonable and childish and reacts without thinking. Her old colleague, who is actually younger than us, has departed today and I suspect AP is exhausted having talked non-stop for three days and only nodding off a couple of times. The ex colleague was given her life history in a rather garbled and roundabout way over the three days and she did well to withstand the onslaught even managing to get the odd word in now and again. Now she has gone we are back to the ‘I know” attitude in a blink without actually knowing anything of course. I thought it might have taken a day or two but no such luck.

So it’s back to bed changing, sheet and towel washing before the next arrivals and the next onslaught of planning, shopping and cooking. Oh, and not to forget the rafts of washing up and cleaning up. I really should be a shadow of my former self but it just doesn’t work like that sadly.

At least the next visitors include the grandchildren and are our choice.