It lies just under the surface.


A title that means a multitude of things to different people. Some will think of creatures lurking in the depths, others the rise, heralding a good summer’s evening fishing or even perhaps the irritation of eczema lying under the skin. For the LSO and I it is watching the AP and waiting for her innate nastiness which is never far away to ripple the surface and yes, it has started again. She is trying to dominate us, insisting things are done her way, making unnecessary demands and has returned to making snide and unpleasant remarks about the LSO, some just out of earshot. Today she was told by me again to stop being so unpleasant because it is completely out of order and also totally wrong.

The AP just can’t seem to help herself and doesn’t seem to understand that trying any attempt at divide and rule will only cause her trouble, I will not put up with it but, in truth, for us it creates yet another layer of stress and inner turmoil. It is difficult to relax in her company and there is no pleasure in going out with her, you never know when the next little smart arse comment will emerge. The AP has also added another ‘accent’ to her repertoire, along with the superior tones of all hallowed academe, the demanding ‘do this’ tone, the charming old lady gush, we now have a silly little girly voice which emerges at intervals and says things like ‘oh goody, chippies’ or ‘look a toot toot’. No, she is not suffering from dementia, she does forget things, gets situations mixed up but that is to be expected when you are close to a hundred years old. The problem seems to be that old age has stripped away most of the veneer of niceness and the AP can no longer be bothered to make the effort with us. She still does the show for others because she can manage in the short term.

But all of this is extremely hurtful for me, she is my mother and any attempt on her behalf to drive a wedge between the LSO and myself is despicable and really does prove that I don’t matter to her at all. As I said in an earlier blog we have been thoroughly used and if it hadn’t been for the LSO she would not be here now. She has become a very silly old woman but does need to be careful, even I have a breaking point and a care home could loom. I must put out the information again for her to find, I think the AP has forgotten the blow up last October and has become complacent but sadly the LSO and I haven’t because her nastiness and lies have left an indelible mark.

I do find myself wondering what I must have done in an earlier life to be living like this now, I just hope it was worth it.



How quick we are to jump to conclusions.

In this case the royal ‘we’.

Well it’s been a good week with the grandchildren staying. They are fun and time consuming and a bit like having two Duracell bunnies under the roof. The AP had to be left for a few hours today when we delivered them back to parents and took over the dog for her annual holiday. We are now running a pack of three Yappy Jacks for the next two weeks.

We collected money for AP at the Post Office on the way back which has been meticulously counted; that facility is intact! We listened to her story about the dogs whilst the long suffering hubs made a much needed cup of tea which involved getting a spoon out of the drawer. AP was in front of this and poor hubs twice asked her to please move but to no avail as the story continued. I then asked her to move so that hubs could access a spoon and this was taken the wrong way. She obviously hadn’t heard hubs and then misunderstood me, screwed up the face and flounced off heading up to her room. It was a moment or two before I realised that AP had thought we had no time to listen to the story about the dogs and had not even realised that a cup of tea was being made despite the kettle being on. What have we done to deserve this and why would we be so deliberately rude. We often listen to the same stories over and over again, accepting that this is part of being old. If AP could just think for one minute she would realise that we are never that heartless but we are becoming heartily sick and tired of dealing with a Jekyll and Hyde personality. With us she is unpleasant, cantankerous, belligerent, childish and obstreperous but with other members of the family, friends and visitors we make an effort and are gushingly sweet and sugary and for a while can play the dear old dotty lady. This effort obviously exhausts her and we obviously don’t matter.

Oh dear, well the pleasant atmosphere lasted all of 15 minutes and the feeling of well being and contentment (an exaggeration) is over and we are back on the treadmill. It really is no pleasure in coming back to our own home. Roll on the 26th September and four weeks of freedom from this tyranny.