Hopefully a final solution.

What an emotional and physical rollercoaster ride the LSO and I have had for the past month. The AP’s stay in hospital has continued despite the continual discharge notices being sent to the social services but we have almost reached a final solution. It has been a laborious and painful process with the minimum of assistance from those who are supposed to be in a position to help and constantly maintain they are but I can assure anyone reading this, that it is definitely not the case.

The constant vomiting and apparent lack of desire to eat have left the AP thin to the point of emaciation and weak. She was wobbly before but now is much, much worse. The hospital, occupational therapists and social services wanted to return her to us but since she is now unable to get up or down the stairs she would be isolated in her room with little stimulus and few conversations which had been a small part of the problem before she was admitted.

We have learnt so much in the last few weeks and in particular that the current system does not want to hear from us as the carers and will not do anything to help our situation. They suggested social service carers coming in the morning for an hour and in the evening for an hour for two weeks to assess her situation leaving the other twenty-two hours every day for us to deal with and then we would need to bring in a private care company. The AP is now unable to even shower on her own and has had several falls before going into hospital and we are no longer young or fit enough to cope with this. Anyone planning on taking an ageing parent into their home to care for them, don’t do it. After five and a half lost years we are definitely tired and emotional but we had naively thought there was help out there but if, like the AP who resolutely refused outside help or going into respite care you are really stuck between a rock and a hard place. There really is no proper constructive help out there and as carers in our own home we have no rights. It’s a shocking revelation and it is so very, very wrong.

After much stress and a seventy-three mile trip to the hospital every day I realised I had really had enough but nothing about our situation is simple. We knew that the best solution was for her to go into private respite care for a month at least and then we would see how she was and play it by ear but the AP has to agree to do this otherwise we would have to have her back. We have no support at all even though it is patently obvious that she cannot do anything much for herself at all.

Well, surprisingly, after a care meeting at the hospital she has agreed to it and on Monday will be taken straight to the care home in hospital transport. This is a truly expensive option but she really does need proper care and supervision and we need our lives back.

Hopefully it will be the final solution and she will enjoy the care and attention and we are only six miles away.

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