Breathe in, breathe out, slowly and steadily clear the mind of troublesome feelings. An activity I need to follow with some conviction because I can feel the fog is closing in again.
Having experienced a wonderful sense of freedom last week when we handed the AP over to my cousin and his wife, I now am suffering from a real knot of anxiousness. I woke up last night and cried for no apparent reason and I can only surmise that having jumped, be it briefly off the treadmill, everything that has happened over the last year is catching up with me.
We had planned to use the early part of our month of release having a new boiler installed but that, due to the bad weather has been put back and our window of opportunity is getting very narrow. It has also meant we have had to alter and change other plans which has helped to create an intense feeling of irritation and a kind of helplessness because it is out of our control. The month is slipping away and we are not achieving what we had hoped to. This is all adding to my sense of angst which is all encompassing and just to add to it all the weather is dull, grey and damp again. Even the two terriers seem affected by the weather; it really can’t be much fun for them trundling around in the cold through the mud and puddles.
One small light on the horizon is that despite the Easter revelries I have not lost any weight but equally I have not gained any so I am back on track again. My next day of fasting is Friday but I have planned some sensible and low calorie, low carb meals between now and then.
In the meanwhile I will practice slowly breathing in, breathing out, relaxing the shoulders and letting my mind drift on a sea of calm. That is until a dog barks!